5 Questions Every Couple Should Ask Their Wedding Officiant (And Why They Matter)

Have you ever hired someone for an important job without really knowing what they'd deliver? I'll be honest with you. I've seen too many couples make this exact mistake when choosing a wedding officiant. They book someone based on price alone, only to realize their officiant shows up with a generic script and zero personality.

Here's the thing: your wedding officiant isn't just someone who makes your marriage legal. We're the person who sets the tone for one of the most important moments of your life. Shouldn't you know exactly what you're getting?

After a lot of weddings in Charleston (and loving every single one!), I've learned that couples who ask the right questions upfront are the ones who end up saying "That ceremony was so perfectly us!" The difference often comes down to five simple questions.

Why This Conversation Matters More Than You Think

Let me share a story that'll make you understand why these questions are crucial. Three weeks before her wedding, a bride called me in tears. Her original officiant had just told her he only did "standard ceremonies" and wouldn't include the family traditions she'd been planning for months.

This broke my heart, and it could have been avoided with one simple question.

Your ceremony deserves someone who gets excited about your love story, not someone who treats it like just another Saturday gig. The right questions help you figure out if you're talking to a true partner or just a warm body with a license.

Questions To Ask A Wedding Officiant:

Question 1: "How do you make each ceremony personal?"

This is the big one, folks. Their answer will tell you everything you need to know about whether they're the right fit.

What you're really asking: Do you actually care about who we are as a couple?

Run-for-the-hills answers:

• "I have a beautiful standard ceremony that works for everyone."

• "We can add your names to our template."

• "Most couples love our basic package."

Music-to-your-ears answers:

• "Tell me your story—how did y'all meet?"

• "Every ceremony I do is completely different."

• "Let me share how I helped another couple incorporate their rescue dog into their vows."

When I meet with couples, I want to know everything. How you met, what makes you laugh together, what you've overcome, what your families are like. This isn't small talk; it's the foundation for creating something that feels authentically yours.

I once had a couple who met at a cooking class, so we wove food metaphors throughout their entire ceremony. Another couple were both teachers, so we created a "lesson plan for love." These weren't gimmicks. They were genuine reflections of who these people were.

Question 2: "What's included in your planning process?"

Translation: How much hand-holding and support will you give us?

Look, wedding planning can be overwhelming. You want an officiant who's going to guide you through the process, not leave you guessing about what happens next.

What you should expect:

• Multiple meetings (not just one quick phone call)

• A chance to review your ceremony script beforehand

• Rehearsal coordination so everyone knows their role

• Someone who handles all the legal paperwork properly

I include two detailed meetings because creating something meaningful takes time. First meeting: we dream and plan. Second meeting: we finalize every detail, and I walk you through exactly what I'll say. No surprises on your wedding day!

Questions to ask:

• How many meetings do we get?

• Will we see the ceremony script before the big day?

• What happens if you get sick? (Please tell me they have a backup plan!)

  
  

Question 3: "Can you handle our specific situation?"

Every couple has something unique about their wedding. Maybe you're blending different faiths, honoring someone who's passed away, or dealing with complicated family dynamics.

Fill in the blank: "How have you handled couples who wanted to _______?"

I remember Rebecca and Mike. She's Jewish, he's Christian, and both families had strong opinions. We created a ceremony that honored both traditions without anyone feeling left out. It took creativity and sensitivity, but it was absolutely beautiful.

Listen for:

• Actual examples, not vague promises

• Excitement about solving your unique puzzle

• Respect for different traditions and beliefs

If they seem uncomfortable or dismissive about your situation, keep looking. Your officiant should be your biggest cheerleader, not someone who makes you feel like you're asking for too much.

Question 4: "What's your backup plan?"

I know, I know. Nobody wants to think about things going wrong. But professional officiants plan for the unexpected.

Scenarios they should be ready for:

• Personal emergencies (what if they get sick?)

• Weather disasters (outdoor ceremony backup plans)

• Technical failures (microphone problems, music issues)

• Timeline chaos (ceremony starting late)

I always have a colleague on standby who knows my couples. I carry backup Scripture readings and marriage licenses. I may even need emergency rings!

Red flag: "That's never happened to me." (It will eventually!) Green flag: Specific plans and calm confidence about handling surprises.

Question 5: "How do you honor what's important to us?"

This is where you find out if your officiant will truly respect your values and vision.

What you're really asking: Will you honor what matters to us, even if it's different from what you usually do?

Some officiants are incredibly flexible; others have limitations. Both are fine. You just need to know upfront if you're compatible.

Be honest about:

• Your religious or spiritual beliefs (or lack thereof)

• Family expectations that might conflict with your preferences

• Non-traditional elements you want to include

• Any concerns about how your ceremony might be received

I've done everything from completely secular ceremonies to traditional religious services, and everything in between. The key is finding someone who can authentically deliver what you envision.

Trust Your Gut

Here's what I want you to remember: after asking these questions, pay attention to how you feel. The right officiant should make you feel:

• Excited about working together

• Confident they understand your vision

• Comfortable sharing personal details

• Reassured that your day is in good hands

If someone makes you feel rushed, judged, or like you're just another booking, keep looking. This person will be guiding you through one of the most important moments of your life. They should feel like a trusted friend, not just a vendor.

Red Flags vs. Green Flags

Run away if they:

• Take forever to respond to emails

• Seem distracted or disinterested during your meeting

• Use generic language instead of asking about you

• Say "This is how I always do it" when you suggest something different

Choose them if they:

• Ask thoughtful questions about your relationship

• Get genuinely excited about your unique ideas

• Have clear systems and backup plans

• Make you feel heard and valued

  
  

Your Love Story Deserves Better Than Generic

Look, I get it. There are a lot of people out there who can legally marry you. But your love story is unique, and your ceremony should be too. Don't settle for someone who treats your wedding like just another Saturday gig.

Take the time to ask these questions. Listen not just to what they say, but how they say it. Choose someone who makes you feel confident and excited about your wedding day.

Your future selves will thank you for investing in this decision. After all, you're not just hiring someone to perform a service. You're choosing someone to help you launch your marriage with intention, joy, and a ceremony that's perfectly, authentically you.

When can I get y'all rolling on creating your perfect ceremony?

___

Pastor Aaron DeBenedetto is the owner and officiant of Southern Charm Ceremonies in Charleston, SC. With over 15 years of experience and perfect 5-star ratings, he specializes in creating personalized ceremonies that make couples say, "That was so perfectly us!" To schedule a consultation, visit southerncharmceremonies.com or call 843-202-4644.

___

Keywords: questions to ask a wedding officiant, hiring wedding officiant, choosing wedding officiant, Charleston wedding officiant, wedding officiant interview questions, personalized wedding ceremony